Reflections on my Gap Year and Expectations for College

What an amazing and ultimately profound year. I've learned so much, done so much and am so proud as I look back and reflect on the last 15 months of my life. To new readers, in summary, I interned at a 501(c)4 PAC, created a blog, executive directed a nonprofit, and traveled extensively in and out of the country. I made new friends, many, if not most of whom, are decades older than I. I checked off life experiences from my bucket list. I read .. the news extensively, books rarely. I listened to music, followed tv shows, and saw lots of movies. I learned to drive, to write awesome and concise emails, and how to schmooz. I gained weight, and I lost weight. I LIVED.

I'm less than 24hrs from matriculating to college. As a creature of habit, I'm overwhelmed but excited by the new future and new normal I face. For the last year, I've essentially been employed, operating to an extent in the "real world." Bull shit was not tolerated; seldom could I charm myself out of a sticky situation. Of course I had family, friends, and mentors invested in my success, but I realized that on the whole, the planet doesn't give a shit about what I did, and how I did it. I really liked that, and quite frankly, am nervous that the superficial community of college -- the one where everyone is over involved in everything in school, were faculty are payed to care about me -- could be a let down. I'm concerned that the transition from not acting like a teenager to again acting like a stupid teenager might be difficult. My shrink, Susan, says this is called anticipatory anxiety, and as a self-proclaimed Woody Allen-esq individual, you could imagine the ruminations ad nauseum.

With all that being said, how fortunate am I to have experienced what life post-education is and now have the opportunity to once again, for four more years, have the opportunity to exist for the purpose of learning. At Brown, of all places, I can take whatever I want, and trust me, I have enrolled accordingly -- Comp Sci and Statistics combined, History of the State of Israel, Psychology of Decision Making, Behavioral Economics and Game Theory, and old school black-and-white Ansel Adams bad ass photography. The prospect to reenter this world is truly exciting.

Taking a gap year has been the smartest choice I've ever made. Post Choate I was totally cooked. Without naming names, I think I too would have fallen pray to college disappointment that so many of my friends have and continue to feel. Upon graduation from high school, my reality was Choate. Even though I nominally new it was la la land, I didn't viscerally understand how privileged and fortunate I was to have been a part of that community. A summer vacation is not enough time to remove yourself from that part of life, to make it a happy memory on which you reflect. Three months is not enough time to gain a sense of perspective. Having been grunt on the bottom of the food chain and having run an organization where my only accountability was to a Board that convened quarterly, I think I'm in the unique position to grab my college experience by the horns.

I know more what I want out of life. Having been in Europe for just shy of two months, I know travel makes me incredibly happy. Having had a job, I realized that money is not necessarily worth complete and total sacrifice and that one can accomplish so many things for not a lot. Having taken a gap year, I think I have a more profound understanding of what it means to live.

One muggy summer afternoon last June, while walking back to the boat, Pete in response to some free floating existential anxiety, noted that his Dad used to say "it's not about how long you live but how well you live." Considering what I've done this year, I'm confident to say I lived quite well.

Thank you Mom, Dad, Charis, Diego, Jorge and all my friends, family, employers, and mentors for making June '11-August '12 the most well lived year of my life to date.